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Product details
File Size: 484 KB
Print Length: 230 pages
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers; Reprint edition (February 7, 2013)
Publication Date: January 4, 2013
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B00B60DRKI
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#57,309 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
Based on my personal experience, work with therapists, and a lot of research the author ignores the '1000 pound elephant' in the room. If you begin taking these very healthy, life affirming steps there is an excellent chance the Narcissist will discard you. I'm not as sure about Borderlines, but with my narcissistic husband, when I refused to be "enmeshed," and attempted to do things that were important to me and set boundaries he left. Perhaps I should say "good riddance" but it was a brutal shock, especially the way he left. He came home one day, packed up a U-haul and drove away. To this day, almost a year later, I don't know where he is. Before he drove off his chief complaints could have been lifted verbatim from this book. We didn't think as one. I was selfish. I didn't take his needs seriously. I didn't drop everything to talk when he needed it and he said things like, "I've been upset for a long time and you haven't even noticed." He got his revenge by discarding me. Again, in my experience and opinion, it is virtually impossible to follow the advice in this book-which you nevertheless should follow-and stay in relationship with a Narcissist because they won't allow it. The author REALLY needs to spend more time addressing Narcissistic discard because it is a very real risk and if you've been a Caretaker for a long time as I have you're not prepared for it.
Having been raised in a family with a borderline/narcissist mother, and an enabling father, I have been in denial most of my life about how dysfunctional our life was. This book has forced my eyes open in a way that 7 years with my therapist could not do. Granted, as a recovering Caretaker, I was ready to hear the whole truth about how dysfunctional I had become and how much work is ahead of me to fix myself and not the other people in my life, but this book got into every nook and cranny of dysfunction and called it what it was. I am shocked at all the connections I never made and dismayed at how much I still need to change but I am going to do the hard work ahead. Dysfunction has affected at least 4 generations, I want the buck to stop with me so my kids have a better role model.
If anyone has hurt you emotionally, physically or mentally on a continued basis and you're trying to decide whether to leave or not, then this book is for you. If you have left an abusive person, then this book is for you. If you have or had controlling parents, boyfriend, girlfriends or boss, then this book is for you. This book could also be helpful if you are or have been involved with an alcoholic or addict. The author does an excellent job at the describing these abusive people, how to let go of them and how to rebuild your life.A bonus is that the author clearly defines what to look for in a healthy relationship. The following is my summary, but the author's ideas.A real relationship is based on each person giving the other approximately the same amount of energy as the other receives. Whether this energy is in the form of attention, invitations, gifts, advice, help, or understanding does not matter. This is called reciprocity.A healthy relationship is* One that is nurturing to one another,* Fulfills the relational needs of each person and* Attends to the interests and desires of each other.In addition, a healthy relationship* Does not drain the other, but gives the other energy,* Helps each other feel relaxed and* Makes the other feel wanted and cared for.
I have read many books on this subject as I was in a codependent relationship with the subject matter. This is the only book that described to me what was happening to ME, due to my relationship with a mental ill man. Bottom line, I was becoming "disabled" I finally had the strength and clearness of mind to tell him to hit the road. I refused to be treated rudely anymore. Refuse to be embarrassed anymore. I had lost myself d/t his constant mentally battering of me. No one deserves this type of treatment. . . but when you are in it, it's so hard to break out of it. This book gives you the steps you need to get a handle on yourself and realize the damage you are letting the Borderline Personality Disordered/ Narcissistic do to your psyche. Stop walking on egg shells. Your life doesn't have to be this way. You can't fix them. . . but you can rescue yourself, from total destruction of your personality, self esteem and raise your self confidence. . . lose your depression. . . and win yourself back. The person is gone from my life now, but I am still going to finish the book. I was becoming disabled, by staying with him. At last, I can have my own opinion, without being yelled at, outings ruined, and him driving away yelling Kiss my ---! because i didn't agree with something trivial.
After reading a couple other books about borderline and narcissist personality disorders, I thought I was beginning to understand. But this book felt completely eye opening, with a lot of at times uncomfortable insights into my own personality as someone who attracted and enabled for decades a BP/NP. Be prepared to take a good critical look at yourself and maybe begin the work to change. Could be a life altering read.
I'm a psychotherapist who uses this book to help people emerge from these troubled relationships. It's ery helpful for people who have made the decision to part ways with a borderline or narcissistic partner and need to understand their part in the dynamic. "Stop Walking on Eggshells" is a better match for family members or people who choose or need to survive an ongoing connection of this sort.
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